Braaaaaaiiiinnnnnss

It's official. The zombie apocalypse is coming.

Thats what I decided today anyways during photography. How else do you explain all this crazy shit thats happening in the world. First an earthquake in Haiti. Then a bunch of fish die. Wham bam Japan is a messed up with a tsunami. The only reasonable explanation is an impending zombie outbreak. I'm convinced that it will start at my college too. Wartburg is a pretty small place, so I know quite a few people.  Over the past few weeks I've come to notice that people are becoming sick. (I know you're saying "Gabi, they just have the flu, it's that time of the year.") Well, you want to know my thoughts? The first stage is denial. If you aren't going to be prepared for people trying to eat you alive, then that's your problem. I tried to warn you. Even I've noticed the effects (I'm starting to turn into one, but I got antibiotics, so I'll be fine).

So during photography we had a short break, I walked upstairs to get a drink, and I run into a classmate. But he doesn't seem right. His mouth is somewhat slack-jawed, eyes glazed over, and staggering about. First stage zombie for sure. Called it as soon as I saw it. I wont be surprised when I start hearing a call for brains soon. And not in the way of a academic student who could be termed at a "brain," but for straight up brains. Like the stuff in your skull.

So prepare yourself. Hide your kids, hide your wife. Grab your powdered food (you do have that stocked, right? I mean COME ON, everyone has powdered food nowadays) and load up your sawed off shot gun. Zombie season is close upon us.

Disclaimer: I don't believe zombies are actually coming. But if they were I'm TOTALLY prepared. I've seen so many zombie movies that survival will basically be second nature to me. And it's not like I have a survival guide either in case of a zombie war/apocalypse...........

Pubescent Darth

Yes, you read that title right. Pubescent Darth. As in Vader. Yeah, I sound like him if he was going through puberty. At 22 years old. I haven't had a solid voice for the past 3 weeks.

I think I left it in Panama City, after a week of excessive drinking (Spring Break, don't judge me. We've all been there). Ever since that unforgettable week, I've sounded like a 13 year old boy. Not exactly the way you want to sound if you're trying to pick up a guy (not that I'm trying to do that...I'm just giving an example...) No matter what I do, this golden voice wont return. OK...I'll be honest. I have a pretty deep voice anyways, so I always sound like a man (see Man Hands post...I promise those are my only manly qualities, besides my swearing) It's been a rough couple of weeks with this voice. All I need to complete the outfit is the mask and a light saber. My birthday is on the 13th, so I expect both in the mail very soon. Otherwise I'll use the force..

Demon Seed: Part 1

First of all, I'd like to say God bless my mom for not drowning me when I was younger. It's truly remarkable that I'm alive after the shit I pulled in my household through adolescence. If I would write about all my antics in one post, we'd be here for days. So I'm going to break it up a little bit.

I think things started to go down hill the second my mother gave birth to my twin sister and I. It wasn't easy, Dani came out with her umbilical chord wrapped around her neck, and I came out feet first. Needless to say, my mom and the doctors arm got REAAAAAAL aquainted (gross right?) After that all hell broke loose. Dani and I hated each other until we were 18, but yet we were still attached at the hip (not really but wouldn't that be cool?) We did everything together, which usually ended up like this.

Dani (sobbing): MOM, GABI HIT ME!!!!
Mom (all-knowing): Well Dani, did you hit her first?
Dani (avoiding eye contact, shifting her weight back and forth): Well yeah, but she hits harder!
Mom (eye-rolling): You get what you deserve. Now go apologize to your sister.

There's always perks to being the last kid popped out. Mom deals with a lot of my bullshit because I'm the baby. And I milk that shit for all it's worth. I refused to be potty trained. Mom had to buy me rubber pants (I wish I knew what I looked like in them, I'm going to imagine it was pretty awesome.) But rubber pants be damned, I would not use the toilet like a normal child. Refused it. Mom sat me down on the training potty for 45 mintues. Nothing. I just sat there. Finally, Mom is fed up. Throws her hands in the air and yells "Damnit if you're not going to pee then just forget it!" Proceeds to pull up my awesome rubber pants. At this point in time, I look her dead in the eye, start smirking and say in a bitchy little tone:

"Mom, I'm peeing"

Donkey Punch

Really, there aren't that may people that I hate in my life. I dislike a few people, but overall I'm a pretty tolerant person. Except of one person. I don't know why, but I HATE this man.

Tyler Hansborough

I hate him with a fire-y passion that burns deep within my soul. And I have no idea why. But I hate him. A lot. Have you ever taken a close look at him? Those eyes?! I've told multiple people this, and feel free to use it yourself, giving me proper credit of course, but he looks like he's been donkey punched, and his eyes never returned to the correct way eyes should look. They are all crazy bug-eyed. It creeps me out. I don't think he blinks either. I'm not a doctor, or a scientist, but I was a bio major for one regrettable year of my life, so I think this gives me enough background to diagnose his eye issue. I guess he is an o.k. basketball player, but all that is overshadowed by his lack of blinking, normal eyes. If there is an actual medical problem that causes this, then I'll kinda feel bad. Only kinda though. I feel as if I would ever meet him in real life, I might try to punch him square in the face. This is the only logical way to set his eyeballs to the correct depth in his eye sockets. Like I said, I was a bio major for a year. I know what I'm talking about.

Also, I'd really just like to punch him in the face.